thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!
I couldn't resist sharing this short clip from Alyssa's performance last week and it seemed so appropriate for Thanksgiving.

This year I have a lot to be thankful for but most importantly, I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my kids laughter, thankful for their artwork, thankful for their love. I am thankful for a wonderful and kind husband, for a warm house and good meals.

Most importantly, I am thankful for the family I have that is bigger than life. The family that includes my parents, siblings, my in-laws including my brother(s) in laws and sister(s) in laws; but also, the bigger family of friends, acquaintances, even complete strangers who continue to pray and send healing thoughts to my brother. I am thankful my sister in law was brave in a moment of crisis and forged forward getting him the care he needed. I am thankful my family is close and support in him in amazing ways. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to be with him for a short time. This has been an incredibly difficult time for our family and yet, we have so much to be thankful for.  I am very thankful my brother is still here with us.

May each of you have a blessed and thankful Thanksgiving.

just a reminder...

... to go to

www.gregsroadtorecovery.blogspot.com

for updates. Jenna even posted tonight and I was delighted to read his fever was reaching normal. I felt a bit of relief as all of my phone call updates were only updates to say he was doing well. When I talked to mom this morning, she said his spirits had been lifted that made me happy... that lifted my spirits. I wish I could be closer, I'd even do an overnighter. I was also delighted to here his rehab/ physical therapist commented that there was a slight increase in the strengths of his shoulder shrugs and arm movements. This makes me so hopeful for when this second surgery is over and he really has to get to work in the rehabilitative therapy.

On a side note, Alyssa sent him the strangest get well card. She told him "Alyssa, March 14th turning 6. To uncle Greg, Love Alyssa" as if he didn't know when her birthday was or how old she would be? But if he didn't, he does now and I am sure that is going to help him in some way?!

my afternoon update, 2:07 pm

Nothing to update other than Greg is in stable condition. He is doing well given the circumstances. Dad said not to say he was resting because nurses and doctors are constantly checking on him, and one could hardly call that rest! However, the surgery has been postponed until further notice and assuming it will be early next week at this time.

I did finish Greg's blog today and have it up and running. You may go to www.gregsroadtorecovery.blogspot.com to get updates. I am not sure who will be posting or how often there will be updates at this time. I literally completed it moments ago. Currently, my sister (Cyndi), Jenna (Greg's wife and my sister in law) and Rick (Jenna's brother and my brother's brother in law and good friend) are blog authors. I did not move any of my updates over there as I decided to use Rick's since his were more thorough and less ramble!

Thank you!

the earliest update yet!

Hearing my phone ring this early in the morning (6:27 am PST) is a bit nerve wracking right now, but it is an update and in many ways I welcome the update. Dad spent the night with Greg and in short, Greg had a good night. His stats are where the doctors want them to be, and this is good news. I love hearing this news.

While writing this, I got my second call  (7:21 am PST) and the surgery planned for this morning has been put on hold. The doctor said it is not critical to do the surgery and wants Greg to have a little more rest and strength before heading into surgery, therefore it is postponed until tomorrow (or realistically further notice since it changes frequently!).

I will be back later today with any updates even if it's just to say he is stable and resting. Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

8:13 PST... I waited this time...

I waited this time before sitting down to do the update. I got assigned a job and I love that because what can I do from far away but sit and be anxious waiting for any news, but the job created a bit of distraction. My job is to create a blog specifically for Greg so that everyone can go to one central place, but it's not ready yet because I want it to look just right... as if that should matter but it does to me. This afternoon amongst my waiting I worked on some design elements to spiff it up a bit. I think we will be up and running in the next day and forward you over there. The nice thing is you can leave comments, and later, Jenna or family can read the comments to him or he can read them himself when he is ready for that, which I think would be really uplifting for him to see and know how many of us are looking out for him. People he knows really well, maybe only slightly and hundreds that only know of him through us. I know I am in awe of the support I have seen my friends and extended family freely give. I am forever grateful.

But enough of that and on to the update of no real significant update. I was told by dad earlier this afternoon that today is hard because of the depression and probably the realization of what this all means to Greg. I mean, he's been through something very similar once before so he knows how long and difficult the recovery is and isn't the unknown the hardest part to deal with? I think it is.

So today was relatively quiet. I was told he moved his arm again while Jenna held his hand and that she asked if he did that on purpose and he made the acknowledgement of yes. I was told he still has the ventilator in. I learned a little bit more about the ventilator and possibly the tracheostomy and both are temproary and precautionary procedures. His lungs need a little extra help at this moment and like any patient under these circumstances has risks like pneumonia and infections, and therefore, they are watching him closely and taking steps to ensure he doesn't have to fight something else.

The definitive (although I am not sure I really should use that word) is he is supposed to go in for surgery tomorrow morning. The scheduled time is early and I am not sure I have the time for the OR or the pre-op prep, but once I know he has gone in, I will send out the request to be thinking, praying, sending well wishes while he is in there. I will also let you know when he is in recovery and any other information that might be available.

In the meantime, I am hopeful, actually really hopeful. My sister said they spoke to one of the surgeons tonight and they asked him some questions, but one thing he said that struck her and me as she told me (I, of course, teared up) was the support he has observed with family, friends, acquaintances. He said most patients don't have this kind of support and it's clear Greg has a large support group, a family that is looking out for him and it is awesome for him as a doctor to see because the power of the support can be huge in the process of recovery. My sister jokingly said he hasn't seen anything yet!

On a side note, I have not heard from my mom but I do know she spent the day with my nieces. I keep thinking of them and wanting bits and pieces of how they are doing. They are staying with their cousins and I thought it was so sweet how their Uncle wrote in his update "The girls are hanging with their cousins doing things what kids do – four to a bed last night when I went home. Duke (this is my brother's family dog who I wondered where he was) is also at our place molesting Chef and probably tunneling out of our backyard as I write this." It made me laugh and glad the girls were surrounded by love as well. 

greg, 11:49 PST

This morning, I was at school for a field trip with Alyssa's class so I didn't get up to speed as quick as I would have liked. However, it was a welcome temporary distraction. Kindergartners are hilarious to be around, they say and do the cutest things, it really changes one's perspective on just about anything.

However, I came home to messages but no information. I am anxiously waiting to talk to my dad at the moment. We had a brief 2 minute call where again the reception was not ideal and since he was maneuvering in traffic or a parking lot or something, he said he'd call me right back. So here I am waiting again anxiously because I know something is up as my dad started with depression has entered the room and Greg is having a rough day. Greg was told that he was going to need a tracheotomy temporarily and was resisting it. And this is where our conversation ended so you can see the anxiety this causes because I am not certain yet what this entails or why. Hope to be back shortly with more information on that.

update for no update

I got my last call for the night from my dad just to say there is no update to update.

Thanks Dad!

PS. I did get a quick email from Jenna (who really should be resting) but I was elated to get the email and she said Greg was sleeping really soundly at the moment... and to me, that is a good thing, now if she'd get some rest for her and the baby too!

a little more glimmer...

I have a lot to write tonight. In many ways, a lot has happened and in other ways, nothing has happened. But let me first start out with those glimmers of hope that keep occurring and while there are still many tears being shed, some of these tears are for excitement and happiness as I hear about each update.

I finally got an update this morning at 9:45am PST when I reached my dad for the second time (I had tried earlier but he had not reached the hospital yet). Dad said they were more than certain Greg will have another surgery but when was still undetermined. The next surgery will be the exact same surgery he had in 2003 and this is a very long procedure. I remember the agony of waiting that one out but this time after yesterday's waiting, I will try to be more patient. This isn't a surgery that needs to happen right away so giving Greg some time to rest and swelling to go down seems like a good plan. His spine is stabilized and the vertebrae aren't moving. This surgery is really to ensure nothing can go wrong.

The other exciting news my dad shared (at least for me because I have been reading so much about the various rehabilitative centers around the US and other individuals experiences) is that Greg was making slow and subtle movements in his hands!!! I can not express the excitement and hope this gives me. My dad kept saying a word I couldn't make out (terrible cell reception) but it had to do with something they were doing to test movement in Greg's hands and Greg was doing it! (I later learned from my sister this was a grip similar to holding a motorcycle handlebar and revving the engine). They also were moving various toes and he knew exactly which toe they were moving... I am not sure what that means in the big picture of things but it is exciting nonetheless.

Clearly, this is small but we will take whatever we can get, and honestly, if Greg realizes he is doing this which I hope he does, than it will motivate him to do more. Anyone who knows him knows how strong and persistent he can be, and this is a really good thing. It is encouraging to hear when I am so far away.

My second, third and probably fourth updates really were an update that there was no update, which is apparently quite funny to my dad and sister, but not so funny to me. I mean, honestly, have them sit this far away waiting for any news. Of which, I told them if I don't hear anything it makes me anxious and I needed them to call regardless so I had a few phones calls this afternoon only to be told in a laughing matter (nice how my family manages to keep their humor during these situations) "just calling to update that there is no update". Good, and thank you!

Thirty minutes or so after my third or fourth update of no update, I got a lot of updates. I will try to keep it brief. Greg did fail the swallow test for food but he immediately asked to do it again. (can you see the persistence trait I referred to earlier?) The nurses told him no but said they would test him again tomorrow, but for tonight they were going to feed him through a tube in his nose. They wanted to get some real nourishment in him and it was temporary situation.

The bigger news is they had him sit up!!! Okay, let's be clear about this though, he did not sit up, they brought his bed to a sit up position, but still this HUGE!! When they did that two things happened, he had more sensation travel through his body but it also fatigued him and they had to put the breathing tube back in him to assist with breathing. This was only as a precautionary and temporary measure. 

 The other piece of good news that my dad included was that Greg is moving his left arm by himself!! He said that Greg's left side is stronger than the right side. All I know from my research is that the C4 or C5 play a vital role in the fine motor skills of his hands, however, I am not sure how this all comes together for the movement of his arm, other than that it widens that glimmer of hope. Any movement is welcomed at this point no matter how small or large.

As I finish writing this update at 8:00pm PST (I am not PST time, they are but it makes it simple), I got another update. Surgery is still not determined at this time but they are being told it might be Thursday or Friday. He also will start therapy within a week from this second surgery, and be expected to do 3 to 4 hours of therapy a day. The doctors also informed them that Greg would be at the hospital for about 2 months at this point. Cyndi didn't know what would happen after that but at least now, Jenna can start to figure out how to make some type of normal routine for the girls.

Which reminds me amongst all of this, Jessie (their youngest) had been scheduled to go back to Children's Hospital to be examined by her specialist doctors (she was born with a cleft palate, had surgery and later was informed that her palate had not fully healed and another surgery may be needed). This follow up visit was today with the specialists who examined her and declared that no additional surgery would be needed!! Dad said they couldn't find the hole that had caused earlier concern. I felt a huge sigh of relief for that because it was one less thing that Greg or Jenna needed at this time to deal with.

So yes, it's a long update and hopefully tomorrow I will be quicker to the blog so that it isn't this long. But all in all, this has been a beautiful day with pockets of glimmer opening up... it is and will be a long process for Greg and his family, but I am encouraged by all the leaps and bounds discovered in one day. Don't get me wrong though, I understand how long this is going to be. Cyndi made a great suggestion tonight and said I should start a blog specifically about Greg so they could post to it... wouldn't that be cool? I may be rerouting you soon to keep up with him, however, I may keep bits and pieces here too.

In the meantime, I will keep you posted even if it's an update with no update, because apparently I am quite good at scolding! or maybe talking? Hmmm... I am not sure if I should be offended yet.

another one...

It's now 10:08 pm and I just hung up with my sister. She was in the room when two doctors came in to talk to Greg. I felt a bit of a sigh of relief because that means she could better gauge everything and everyone in the room. Of course, she had a lot to say but the short version is this other doctor asked if anyone had any questions and then went to Greg's side to ask him if he was aware of what was going on. Greg did not. The doctor then told him he had broken his C4 and C5 vertebra, he had a severe spinal cord injury, they had done surgery on him putting plates and pins in to align his spine, and at this time those were the facts, the rest was speculation and he wasn't going to put a percent on his probability of moving because it depends on the person, the time but basically he has a long road ahead of him.

Cyndi said Rick had the doctor show them the x-rays and the CT scans. She said it was so helpful to see what it looked like before, what it looks like now. She said he showed them his 2003 injury and results, she said it was shocking how it was basically the same type of injury but in a different area. I wish I could be there but as Cyndi said it was a good ending to a really shitty day. I am so thankful she is keeping me up to date.

update

I have no idea how to update this or what to say. I received the news early this evening that my brother, Greg, has a 5% chance of ever walking again. I mean, what do you do with 5%? I, of course, cried. I somehow knew intuitively from the words that kept cropping up last night, despite the hope mixed in, that the outcome wasn't going to be good but couldn't it have been better than 5%? And yet, it is 5%, it's better than 0% and after doing some online reading about various rehabilitative facilities for spinal cord injury, 5% seemed like a glimmer of hope, a small glimmer but a glimmer nonetheless. And one part of that glimmer is that he is in the hands of one of the top ten rehabilitative centers in the US.

After talking to my sister further this evening, the doctors determined to remove the breathing tube and a second surgery was still unclear, however, upon reviewing the CT scan and x-rays it showed the plates and vertebra in alignment. Another glimmer of hope was that my sister said the doctor said his spine was severely damaged, not severed. Things are still vague and uncertain but they are moving forward. One of the doctors said it would take a week for the swelling to go down and then they would be able to test his functioning skills but for tonight, my brother is going to learn the news. I can only sit and pray that each and everyone in that room pulls it together, encourages him and shows him the love he deserves. The beautiful thing is that my family is of course there and two of his very close friends are there to support him today and staying through the night.

I pray he can take the news in stride that he can grieve and get determined. I pray that the 5% can include movement in his arms and hands because after all the things I read, there is so much he can do. Heck, there was a lot he could do if paralysis was neck and below.  But for some reason I cling to the hope that he will be able to move his arms and hands. He has such a long road ahead of him and right now, I have no idea how to help from this far away other than keeping praying and reading so I know how to embrace this for him, for my sister in law and their soon to be three kids.

In the meantime, thank you for your thoughts, your prayers, your sincerity and kindness. Please keep them coming, he needs it, his family needs it. It is going to be a long, difficult recovery and right now, not knowing can be so discouraging yet so powerful. Thank you.

waiting...

... and waiting more now. At 9:52 pm last night, my phone rang, thinking it was Dennis I was surprised to hear my dad's voice and then stunned when I heard the news that my brother had fallen off a ladder, had been given CPR, could not move and was being rushed to the local hospital. As the night continued, he was sent to the trauma center in Seattle.

Without going into too much detail (one because I am uncertain I have the facts right and two because just talking about it and writing about it brings tears, and this time I have a hard time stopping), my latest update is at 10:05 am, he was taken into OR for his first surgery. What I gather is he has fractured his C4 and C5, at one point it was said they were teetering on one another so they put him in a traction device to gently pull them back into place. The surgery he is undertaking will take 4 or more hours and will be similar to the surgery he had almost 8 1/2 years ago when he had his farming accident. In surgery, they will be putting a metal plate (or plates) around the c4 and C5 vertebrae to stabilize them and keep them in place. Hopefully in this surgery, the surgeons will be able to assess any spinal cord damage that may have occurred and ensure there is no other trauma to the head. 

So much is unclear at this point and being so far away I am sitting on the verge of sanity and insanity, crying and not crying, praying that he will pull through this one. He was blessed once before with a similar injury which if I remember right involved the C7  and a few of the T's, but I am so worried and upset. If you wouldn't mind, please take a few minutes and give him and his family a prayer, short or long, none of us really care, we just need the prayers for him.

5... is a magic number...

... for kindergartners, that is!

In October it started with...

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate

the first one says "oh my, it's getting late"

the second one says "there are witches in the air"

the third one says "but we don't care"

the fourth one says "let's run and run and run"

the fifth one says "isn't Halloween fun?"

then whoooo went the wind and out went the lights

and the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight!

In November, it is now...

Five fat turkeys are real

they slept all night in the tree

when the cook came around

they couldn't be found

and that's why we're here you see!

October's is a poem and November's is a song, and it is so stuck in my head!

A few notes on the above photos, yes, there is more than 5 pumpkins! This photo was taken at dusk on Halloween night when I returned later to take it in full darkness, the candles had burned down and I didn't have any more. I thought I would take the photo the next night but by then they were buried under 7 inches of snow. Now that the snow has finally melted, they are not looking very pretty!

The turkeys are made by the kids over various years. Starting from left to right: the first one Alyssa 2010; second one Alyssa 2009; the middle/third one Jaiden 2010; the fourth one Jaiden 2009 and the fifth one Jaiden 2008. When he got home on Thursday he re-arranged them so his were grouped together while Alyssa sung her song!

guess who?

Happy birthday little brother!

I was contemplating whether I should post another silly photo of Greg (remember last year he was in a dress and heels?) but this one just seems more appropriate even if he did deny the kids rides on tractors earlier this summer stating it was too dangerous! I wonder how old he was here? hee hee...

But I hope he had a great birthday and didn't do something too crazy! In a few years, he will be able to start playing Lego again with his own little boy... wait until he sees how Lego has changed, I am guessing he will have his own list of must have Lego toys!

mama?

Oh yeah baby... lensbaby that is! I was so excited to unwrap two really awesome presents this morning: one very much needed bike kickstand (yep, I am girl-ing up my mountain bike) and one super cool Lensbaby composer!

And yes, I basically did nothing but play with this baby! I had many not turn out very well but a few I really liked for my super amateur attempts with a funky lens that can tilt, twist and shift. It's tricky finding the sweet spot, and the sweet spot is where the focus is, the rest all gets funky blurred.

I need to post the story about these cute little pumpkins sitting on the gate porch railing, but I really like the tilt of this photo and am thoroughly loving a new toy!

Now you have been forewarned that this baby has a lot of blur... for the older crowd, don't worry you don't need new glasses, this blur is meant to be! It is super cool, hip and funky... off to play some more

worth it's weight in gold...

or at least according to Alyssa... who was deliriously happy to have Grandpa's huckleberry jam arrive yesterday! She talked non-stop (or almost in between picking out and devouring huckleberries) about how this is the best jam while she spread it onto her peanut butter and jelly this afternoon at lunch.

Thank you Grandpa!

You saved this Mommy from another lunch of her complaining how this strawberry jam isn't nearly as good as Grandpa's!